I had a full-on melt down last night.
When it comes to infertility, those have become much less frequent since it has been 10 years. I think I have become somewhat numb to it, and also super busy with our three incredible children. But, last night, something shifted. Some of our very dearest friends let us know that they just found out they’re pregnant! We are super happy for them, especially since they’d been trying for a while and had felt super discouraged recently.
The text we got was so kind, compassionate, and genuine and let me know that they didn’t tell us in person because they wanted us to have space to process. SO. FREAKING. KIND! It meant so much to me that they would acknowledge that. Like, wow.
Then, I freaked out because I felt terrible that they would think they couldn’t tell us because it would hurt. That led to a spiral about how infertility is so unfair, not only to us, but to all the people around us.
We are starting IVF in the next few weeks, and I am really excited, and really nervous. I also feel guilty sometimes, because I NEVER want it to seem like the children we have aren’t enough. We CHOSE adoption before IVF on purpose. We are so madly in love with these children that we have the absolute honor of raising. But, I rabbit trail and wonder if it’s even fair to pursue IVF because we have three kids already. There are so many absurd things that go through my head on a daily basis.
I am so crazy blessed with a husband who just wraps me up, lets me cry it all out, then reminds me that we are blessed. Whatever happens, God is in it. We want Him to be the one that gets the glory, and for these children to know Him and how loved and chosen they are. Each of our children have a different story of how they came to us, including any more we may have.
That’s you, too. You have a story. You have a purpose. Don’t let the spiral take you out. You can have your moment. But, don’t let the moment have you.
Have you ever tried to rescind your own permission to pursue something because you spiraled? Let me know how you changed that trajectory and ran after it anyway!